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Fast Eddie Felson was sitting at the bar nursing a bourbon when he heard the sound. He turned around and, eyes aglow with recognition, said, "Kid's got a sledgehammer of a break.

Real life doesn't always parallel cinema art, but in this case it is close enough. If not an Oscar winner, how about coach, agent, manager? Friend, promoter, entrepreneur? Guru, trainer, adviser, tactician, disciplinarian, father, mother, doctor, lawyer, Romanian chief? Count, counter of the money in all its colorsmaybe the Hustler himself?

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Producer, director, script supervisor? Butcher, baker, candlestick maker? I go step-by-step, predict how Becker will be best in world. They think I am Orwell. But come on, is no challenge. Me writing about tennis is like baker baking bread.


In West Germany he is der Blitzableiter, the lightning rod that keeps the evil spirits from the year-old Becker. The point is, Tiriac is back, although tennis's Renaissance man never went far away. Indeed, it is tempting to refer to Tiriac as one of the game's great hangers-on—"the ultimate survivor," his friend Arthur Ashe says—though the man has not hung on to anything so much as he has grabbed life by the throat.

From the city of Brasov in the Balkans—yes, Transylvania, whence his nickname, Count Dracula—Tiriac is now ensconced high above the Mediterranean in a penthouse apartment from which he can survey not only most of Monaco but most of tennis as well.

The Count of Monte Carlo a bewildering enigma? Mere samplings of sermons from the Count continue to be worth their weight in organized press conferences.

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Here is Tiriac on Becker's recent troubles on clay: "He completely lost his timing. The fatigue could be explained, but an ennui of the spirit has been noted.

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It is necessary to retake these analyses. An impoverished childhood has marked Tiriac for life. His father died when Tiriac was 11; his mother worked in the local truck factory in Brasov. Young Ion celebrated his 13th birthday by shoving a whole baguette into his mouth rather than share it with his family. He has felt pangs of guilt ever since. Well into his third decade of making a living at the highest level of world-class tennis, Tiriac describes himself as "the greatest player who couldn't play.

He began playing tennis seriously at 17, and three years later made his country's Davis Cup squad. He and his Romanian compatriot Ilie Nastase led their team to three Davis Cup finals'71 and '72but in each case they were beaten by the U. Although Tiriac never won a major singles title, he twice made the Top 10 and shared one French Open doubles championship and a couple of Italian Open doubles crowns with Nastase.

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Tiriac has gained far more notoriety in his mostly post-playing years as a kind of adviso-entre-coach-ager for the likes of Nastase, Manuel Orantes, Adriano Panatta, Guillermo Vilas, Henri Leconte and Becker. In the group trophy case of this crew are two Wimbledon championships, two Australian Opens, three U. Opens, three French Opens and six Masters titles.

Is the face familiar now? So Don King killed a man? Big deal.

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Dare we even imagine what horrid acts this dangerous dude Tiriac did in his past? Smile is not one of them. Tiriac stories are legend on the tour.

Some may even be true. He ate whole champagne glasses. Bet somebody noticed his teeth then. He greeted friends and enemies alike with head butts. While playing hockey for Romania in Leningrad, he broke his stick in two and challenged the entire stadium. Down match point, a shaken opponent once blooped a sitter to Tiriac, who instead of putting the ball away caught it.

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While playing club tennis in Milan during the mid-'60s, Tiriac's daily breakfast included six steaks, four bowls of pasta and a dozen eggs at the Santa Lucia restaurant. After failing to get a line call changed in Miami, he not only quit playing himself but took the rest of the Boston Lobsters off the court with him, forfeiting a World Team Tennis match.

When his then wife, Erica, was harassed in Bucharest by a group of nine men, one of whom pinched her bottom, Tiriac jumped on his motorcycle and rode into the middle of the pack.

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I am a major," Tiriac says. Moreover, Tiriac may have gotten more air time on televised tennis events over the years than Jimmy Connors, Chris Evert and Bud Collins combined. The infatuated cameras gravitate to him as if to an Indy smash up, lured by that terrifying glower, which khmer dating site ringed by an evil insane clown posying dating site of curls, a mustache and lord knows what other facial hair, and bathed in a foreboding cloud of cigarette smoke.

Would you buy a used shiv from this man? So don't call Tiriac a hanger-on or address him as Tiri Baby the way his friends do unless you're willing to experience a glare that Dennis Van Der Meer, the tennis instructor and Tiriac contemporary, says "goes past your eyes, through your brain and out the other side.

It is so much part of self, if I shave, it would be like going without my hands. In that tournament Tiriac and Nastase, perhaps the best doubles team in the world, were unseeded. Furious, they did the obvious thing—withdrew. The pair was entering the final stages of fussin', feudin' and breaking up forever as a competitive unit, so Tiriac wasn't in the most joyful mood.

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Is he ever? Tiriac is of middle height. His legs are unprepossessing. He has a barrel chest.

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His body is encased in a rug of hair. Off court, he wears cargo-net shirts. His head is covered with medusan wires. Above his mouth is a mustache that somehow suggests that this man has been to places most people do not imagine exist. By turns, he glowers at the crowd, glares at the officials, glares at God in the sky All the merchants of Mesopotamia could not equal Tiriac's shrug Tiriac does not in any way resemble a tennis player.

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He appears to be a panatela ad, a triple agent from Alexandria, a used-car salesman from central Marrakech Tiriac has the air of a man who is about to close a deal in a back room behind a back room. How prescient McPhee's narrative was about the man who has become, in effect, the gypsy godfather of tennis's back rooms. Any five bozos off the turnip truck could have cashed in on a Becker after he won Wimbledon in The dominant tennis management firms, IMG, ProServ and Advantage International, had been insane clown posying dating site really—for years for the moment when West Germany, with the wealthiest sponsorship companies in Europe and the largest national tennis federation in the world, would produce a potential champion.

The trick was to pick the right player and get to him first. Kratzman won, and McCormack immediately signed him up. Kratzman is now ranked No: in the world.

Among tennis agents, the biggest shock of that tournament was not Ivan Lendl's rallying two sets down to beat John McEnroe in the men's final but Tiriac's closing the contract with the toddler-brute, Becker. In fact, the deal was all but done before Paris, Tiriac having parlayed his hands-on, direct-dial approach into a warm relationship with the phenom and his family six weeks earlier, during the Monte Carlo Open. Everything about him was opposite.

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Ion was closer to the real thing—a human being rather than a company. He said exactly what is going to happen. And it has.

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I drive Ferrari," Tiriac says. To impress the kid? To assure Herr and Frau Becker insane clown posying dating site an overwhelming flood of German marks? If a man shows up in black hat to take son away from you forever, would promises mean anything? This is all s——. Who said anything about a black hat?

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To understand the Count's imagery, it is helpful to realize how sincerely Tiriac regards himself as the "black sheep" and "the easiest target" of the tennis establishment. His self-cultivated mystery-man persona keeps everyone off guard and at a distance. Moreover, as Mrs. Ilie Nastase, the ravishing Alexandra, points out, "Ion's also Romanian.

You know what that means.

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Like Ilie—weird. No chance to figure him out.